Hilarious press release says Tusshar Kapoor ‘flawed’ by Sunny’s charm and charisma

On reading the press release title: “Would Definitely Marry Sunny: Tusshar”, the mind first reeled in the split second it took to reject the better known ‘Sunny’s –  Gavaskar and Deol — till the  ‘Leone’ penny dropped. And then, one threw back one’s head and laughed out loud! For, the release, pushing the film Shootout At Wadala said Tusshar Kapoor is flawed by Sunny’s charm and charisma. I sincerely hope they meant ‘floored’; else, go see a doctor, Tusshar!

And while — going by the rules or the lack thereof for pushing feature films — all’s fair in  filmi PR, the headline is misleading because nowhere in the body copy does Tusshar say he would marry Sunny Leone.

And another typo — or rather the apparently inadvertant omission of a word in a sentence –  makes the following reading:  ‘When Tusshar was asked about Sunny’s performance in ‘Laila’, he said, “She has stolen my (word missing) through this performance.” Hmmm…

OK, enough already. Here’s the release in its entirety:

Would definitely marry Sunny: Tusshar

Adding to the list of fans of the bold and beautiful actress Sunny Leone, Tussharkapoor is flawed by her charm and charisma.

On the launch of the song ‘Laila’ from Shootout at Wadala, when asked if Tusshar would like his life partner to be a reflection of Sunny, he said, “Why not! She is beautiful, confident, talented and has her way with words. It is rare to find a combination of beauty with brains! But unfortunately I am not that lucky.”

When Tusshar was asked about Sunny’s performance in ‘Laila’, he said “She has stolen my through this performance.”

“I want my Mr. Perfect to be smart, funny, and most importantly be able to carry out conversations. He should be supportive in helping me strike a balance between my hectic schedule and personal life. And I am lucky that I have already found him”, says Sunny Leone when asked about the love of her life.

Sunny and Tusshar are busy with the promotions of Balaji Motion Pictures’ Shootout at Wadala, directed by Sanjay Gupta, which is releasing worldwide on May 1^st, 2013.

release ends.

Here’s a very small short video of  Laila. Never mind the hilarity in the release — I’m sure everyone will want to catch this film, coming as it is from Balaji. If it has a good script — which one’s sure it will since it’s a Balaji film — then with Sanjay Gupta directing it, there will be some solid style too. Will look forward to it.

What women want

This is really thought-provoking. Not an original piece, and received as a mail forward, but I’d want my friends to read it, hence…

(To women) Please take time to ponder…..

(To men) Just enjoy the story…

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom..

The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question was: *What do women really want? *

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man. And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and
even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but first he would have to agree to her price.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified.

She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden.

But
Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered.

Arthur’s question thus: ‘What a woman really wants?’

She said, ‘A woman wants to be in charge of her own life.’

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth, and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.

The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was sitting by the bed.

The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had
been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth become her horrible and deformed self only half the time, and be the beautiful maiden the other half.

‘Which would you prefer?’ She asked him. ‘Beautiful during the day ….

or at night?’

Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!

Or,

Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?

But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous moments with?

(If you are a man reading this…) What would YOUR choice be?

(If you are a woman reading this…) What would YOUR MAN’S choice be?

And Lancelot’s choice is given below…

BUT… please make
YOUR choice first before you scroll down below…

OKAY?

Knowing the answer the witch gave to Arthur for his question, Sir Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time..

Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now… what is the moral to this story?

. The moral is…

1) There is ‘witch’ in every woman, no matter how beautiful she is !

2) If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly !

So, be careful how you treat a woman and always remember: * IT IS EITHER ‘ HER WAY ‘ OR IT IS ‘ NO WAY ‘ !!

Who wants Poonam Pandey’s bikini? It’s “up for grabs”, says a hilarious press release! Some PR advice, this!

How is a non-star’s bikini “a piece of stardom?”

“Poonam Panday’s bikini up for grabs” … “for all those die hard fans of Poonam Pandey, here is the chance of a lifetime to grab a piece of stardom”.

What a ridiculous PR ‘idea’, this!

Starlet Poonam Pandey who threatened to shed her clothes riding on cricket fever, is now giving away the bikini she wore during the ‘steamy’ scenes in her forthcoming film. She expects some desperate idiot will huff and puff to tweet something about the film to lay his hands on the said tiny piece of attire she wore.

And — oh my sainted aunt! — the poor thing believes the bikini will be seen as “a gift of love” from her, and says she’s doing this as she “wanted to make this Valentine’s Day special for them (the fans).”

Anyway, here’s release for the cheap trick, in its entirety. If you’re planning to try and “grab” said “piece of stardom”, I wanna know.

What Film PR has been reduced to!
Sample, right here:

Release headline:
“Poonam Pandey’s bikini up for grabs, this Valentine’s Day”

Release body:
“This Valentine’s Day promises to be the best day of the year for fans of actor Poonam Pandey. The bindaas Mumbai gal, who is making her Bollywood debut with Nasha, has decided to spread the Nasha to all her fans. Ahead of Valentine’s Day, the day of love across the planet, Poonam has launched a contest through her twitter handle @ipoonampandey under the hashtag #grabNASHAbikini  The best tweet under this hashtag will be rewarded the chance of a lifetime – to possess the bikini suit worn by Poonam Pandey in her debut film Nasha. Not to forget, that most of the steamy scenes in Nasha were shot in this bikini.

Poonam Pandey said, “I love my fans very much and I wanted to make this Valentine’s Day special for them.”

“One lucky winner will have the bikini suit that I wore in the film, Nasha, as a gift of love from me,” added Poonam

So for all those die hard fans of Poonam Pandey, here is the chance of a lifetime to grab a piece of stardom.”

Pretentious obscure language in a story in ‘The Hindu’!

Aah pretentious, bloody confused gobbledy gook, this paragraph from a story in ‘The Hindu’! … Reads like a failed lawyer’s nitpicking, nit-wit clerk drafted this potful of barf!

And I quote:

“A long tradition of binding the collective to standards that keep it from being on a par with a common criminal has grown not out of any sympathy for crime but out of the wisdom that only in such a way can our collective aspirations be fulfilled.”

Huh?

Moods of a woman, moods of a man

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction.

She’s afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she’ll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.

She’ll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
she’ll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she’ll be vengeful, merry and sad,
she’ll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

MOODS OF A MAN

Horny

Hilarious: Hell explained — by a Chemistry student

Hilarious, brilliant forward. Enjoy!

The following is an actual question given on a  University   of Arizona   chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. 

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:  

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?  

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:  

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. 

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

 
This gives two possibilities:  

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.  
 
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?  

If we accept the postulate given to me by Anabella during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. 

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct… leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,  Anabella kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

THR story ‘Canadian TV News Graphic Says Lance Armstrong ‘Used Rugs,’ Not Drugs’ itself ungrammatical

Ironic, this, but a The Hollywood Reporter (THR) story, “Canadian TV News Graphic Says Lance Armstrong ‘Used Rugs,’ Not Drugs” by Etan Vlessing itself has a grammatical error. No doubt an inadvertent error of omission. But that was exactly how ‘drugs’ must have become ‘rugs’ in the CBC News super.

But read the original THR story first (reproduced as is at http://www.thehollywoodreporter.com)

The THR story begins with a clever featurish intro: ‘Quite a scoop: The CBC News chyron malfunction added to the possible confessions of the disgraced cyclist ahead of his Oprah Winfrey interview.’

The story:
TORONTO – Oh dear: The latest allegation against disgraced cycling Lance Armstrong is he used “rugs.”
Or so a CBC News chyron typo malfunction suggested Tuesday, according to the Deadspin website.

It began when CBC News anchor Suhana Meharchand introduced a news clip on the Canadian cable news network about Armstrong confronting doping allegations in an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

The problem was the chyron lettering at the bottom of the screen read: “Report: Armstrong Used Rugs.”

Meharchand gave no details on what exactly (the word ‘Armstrong’ is missing) did with the offending rugs, leaving that to a Twittersphere lighting up Tuesday with unwholesome suggestions. 
End of THR story.

The gaffe in this otherwise-well-written-by-Etan Vlessing story obviously occurred due to desk oversight.

But what this also tells us that if this story did indeed light up Twittersphere with unwholesome suggestions, the Canadian News Channel CBC News is well watched.